Transfer

Where to begin....my heart is full of gratitude, love and hope. Grateful to all of you for the thoughtful texts, notes, messages and meals. They have been life-savers. Full of love for a husband who is so supportive, honors his priesthood and stays close to his Savior. And hopeful for the future and the possibilities that we could soon be parents, hopeful that my dream may be fulfilled.

After all was said and done, we had five beautiful little embryos, healthy, good quality, beautiful embryos. After talking it over with the doctor, praying and thinking about it, we decided to go ahead and only transfer one embryo and freeze the remaining four. I feel at peace about this decision and that it is the right thing for us to do at this time.

I was able to see the actual embryo that they transferred right before. It went smoothly and I had no pain. They gave me a picture of my embryo as well as an ultrasound picture right after the transfer. In the ultrasound there is a tiny white dot which is actually just the fluid surrounding my little guy. The embryo is too small at this point to be seen on an ultrasound. These are possibly the first pictures of our baby!

Retrieval Day

I had my egg retrieval yesterday morning. The actual procedure went really well and we ended up with 16 little eggs! Which is a great number to start out with. The embryologist will call me tomorrow to give me an update on how my little guys are doing. I thought the anticipation of waiting for Christmas was bad.....this is waaaay worse. I am so excited!

So lets back up just a little bit, I took my trigger shot on Tuesday. I was so nervous. The needle for the trigger was much larger than my other shots. I iced my bum until it was numb then turned on my favorite Christmas music and made Zac do the stabbing. I didn't even feel it. That definitely a tender mercy.

Wednesday and Thursday were rough, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, not fun.
Luckily for the retrieval I was out of it and on pain meds so I don't remember anything. Once I woke up, however, I was quite sick from the anesthesia and I was in a lot of pain. We ended up staying in the recovery room for a few hours until I felt better. Today I am feeling much better and it is just a dull ache compared to yesterday.

Tuesday is the big day. Transfer day. We will hopefully be transferring two embryos. Then after that it is the dreaded two week wait. Our blood work to see it worked or not is scheduled for December 27th, which means we get to do our blood work in Spokane, the clinic will send the results to our doctors in Utah then our doctor will call us to tell us the results. Talk about suspenseful.....

I have never asked for prayers on my behalf before and I know that a lot of you are already praying for us. But I would like to ask for any good thoughts and prayers that you may have for us on Tuesday. It is a big day that has the potential to completely alter Zac's and my life forever. We could use all the extra prayers that day. Love you all!

The Count Down is On

Well, folks, it is almost official....retrieval day is most likely Thursday. AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! My ovaries are growing like crazy. In fact, at my ultrasound yesterday the doctor kept telling me "good job" for my ability to grow lots of eggs. Haha. So good job ovaries! 

 

At each ultrasound, they draw my blood to check hormone levels then measure my follicles to see how they are progressing. They schedule retrieval when the majority of my follicles are measuring between 14 - 24 mm. That is almost a whole inch per follicle and I have around 20 that are looking good. So needless to say, my ovaries are HUGE! They are so big right now that they are actually touching and I feel extremely bloated. 

The IVF nurse will call me later today to give me instructions on what time to take my trigger shot and instructions for the next three days. I don't think I have ever been so anxious in my whole life. The timing of this shot is crucial. If it is too early or too late then all of this will be for nothing and we will have to start all over again. They give me an exact time to take the shot and the nurse even drew a circle on my hip so we know exactly where it needs to go. 

I can't even adequately describe my feelings and emotions right now. I am an emotional mess. Between the the high quantities of hormones I am taking and just the stress and anxiety that comes along with IVF, I am surprised that I have been able to hold it together. I have never been so hopeful yet so scared. Thank you for all of your support and prayers. I can feel them. 

Shots

I feel like the last week has gone by soooooo slow but also incredibly fast at the same time. If you have ever watched a suspenseful movie with me then you know that I get giddy and can hardly sit still through out the movie. That is exactly what I am feeling like right now. The suspense is killing me!

I have ultrasounds every other day to see how my follicles are developing. Apparently they are growing like crazy thanks to the meds. Because, right now I feel like an over inflated balloon. At my ultrasound on Monday they will decide if I am ready for my trigger shot (the shot that triggers ovulation). If I am ready, then I will go home take the shot then have my egg retrieval on Wednesday. I am pretty nervous about the retrieval process, I have heard that the retrieval can be pretty rough so we will see....

Overall, the shots aren't too bad. I am getting better and faster. By the end of this I am going to have some mad skillzzz with shot giving. The worst thing about it is the side effects. I have had a constant headache since I started the meds. Which always makes for a fun time. not. I can take Tylenol but it only takes about half of it away. Below is one of my shots. So you can see they aren't too scary looking. :)

Day One

I gave myself a shot today. I will be taking two shots each morning for the next five days then it goes up to three a day. I tried to give myself the first one but I chickened out. That first shot was the hardest. I ended up making Zac do it because I started crying from stress and nerves. But after I knew what it was going to feel like I was able to give myself the second one. I think it will definitely get easier the more I do it. It is just those first ones that are so scary and hard. One day down and a whole lot more to go......

Welcome to the Pharmacy.....

I picked up my drugs today.....Needless to say I walked out the pharmacy with two rather large bags and a lot poorer. We also met with the nurse yesterday for one final screening ultrasound, went over all of my drugs and paid a whole lot of money.

Everything looks really good. I have a lot of eggs and no cysts! She gave us instructions on how to give myself shots and the needle doesn't look as scary as I originally thought. I just have to get comfortable with stabbing myself. Yikes. I am just trying to get over how many drugs I have to take. This is going to be interesting.......
In other infertility news, this month marks four years. It seems short and long at the same time. This could all be over within the next year which is super weird to think about. Infertility has been part of me for so long and to think that there is a very real possibility of actually have the child that I have so desperately prayed and hoped for is so exciting and nerve racking. I haven't even started the medications and I am on the verge of tears either from excitement or stress.
I also want to thank you all for your kind words and your prayers. They have definitely been felt. Never in my life have I tangibly felt someone else's prayer on my behave has I have over the last few months. Thank you.

Fifth Water Hot Springs

Zac has been working like a mad man at work lately. So to help him not get burned out, they decided to give him every other Friday off! Which is perfect because I don't work Fridays. This means a whole day of just Zac and Katelyn. BEST. THING. EVER! 

On Zac's first Friday off, Zac planned a little trip to some hot springs in Spanish Fork Canyon. I had heard of them before and actually planned to go when we in school but never got around to it. 

They were amazing! I can't believe we waited this long. You have to hike in 2.5 miles, but oh it is so worth it. The weather was perfect.  It was a cool, sunny fall day, making the hot springs feel amazing. Not only were there several pools to swim in but the colors were beautiful. We will definitely be going again. 

If you look really close in the first picture you can see me hiding in the steam. The upper pools were too steamy in the cold air to get a good picture but in my pictures of the lower pools you can see how pretty the color of the water was. Just imagine how fun these would be to snowshoe into in the winter?! Who wants to come? 

The Haunted Half & Halloween

I ran my fifth half marathon in five years on Halloween morning! It was the same half marathon that I ran for my first. I would have loved to write a post about how I did really well and it was fun...but sadly, that is not the case. This is probably the last long race I will get to do for quite awhile so naturally, I wanted to do my best. I was aiming to beat my best time of 1:54:51.
I was doing really well for the majority of the race. I was on track to beat my time. With less than a half a mile left, I came to the last major intersection and was stopped, along with the other runners, by a police office directing traffic. I couldn't believe it. Were they really stopping me in the middle of a race?! I knew as soon as they stopped me that there was no way I was going to be able to make up the lost time let alone run very fast after they just iced my legs! Have you ever tried to start running again after running 12.7 miles as fast as possible? It is pretty much impossible. I was stopped at that light for over a minute. I broke down in tears at that light and cried all the way to the finish line.
I have never pushed myself that hard physically as I did during that race. Then to have my goal trampled on like that was a pretty hard pill to swallow.
I tend to tie my ability to complete physically challenging things to my ability to overcome hard things in life. And this race was very much tied to infertility and my ability to go through IVF. I was running this race not only to beat my best time but to prove to myself that I can do hard things and to get one last race in before running is taken away from me. I can't adequately describe the crushed feeling I felt after that race.
I am feeling slightly better about the race now, but when I think about it I still get worked up. Haha. Anyways, on to better topics......

Halloween was pretty fun this year! Zac and I were Jack and Jill after they fell down the hill....again. Haha. I think this is the fourth year in a row that we have used this costume. Elise threw an awesome Halloween party. So we went to their beautiful new home and had fun with them and the Enghs.

Our amazing BYU Pumpkin! This is definitely the most advanced we have ever gotten with our pumpkin craving.....

We had a really fun Halloween party at work. They had all kinds of competitions. This is my entry into the Styrofoam tombstone competition. I won a $50 gift card for 2nd place. I kinda have an awesome job. :)

Halloween has never been my favorite holiday, but I think it is growing on me. I have always loved holidays, mainly because I like parties and an excuse to do something out of the ordinary. So I definitely can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas!

Things Just Got Real.....

Things just got real.....Zac and I just got our schedule from the IVF nurse this week. We are really doing this. IVF has been this thought in the back of my mind for almost a year now and we are finally doing it. I just started taking birth control which is weird because I haven't had to take it for the past four years now. I don't know if it is the birth control or the fact that I am so anxious but my emotions have been all over the place. I am somewhere between wanting to cry at anything even slightly emotional or slap people because they are just getting on my nerves. Guys, the nightly news is making me cry. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! Caution: please do not take offense to anything Katelyn may say or do for at least the next two months.

So the schedule....It looks like we will start injections right after Thanksgiving, have our egg retrieval sometime the week of December 7th and then egg transfer five days after that. This means that I could take a pregnancy test right around Christmas Eve. Which I am still trying to decide what to do. I could literally find out if I am pregnant or not on Christmas, meaning this could be the best Christmas in my life EVER or the absolute worst Christmas EVER. Blog world, what would you do?

I think IVF is going to take over my blog for awhile. It is really the only thing I can think about right now. Infertility has consumed most of my thoughts for the last several years but now with IVF looming ahead I would say it is consuming more than ever. Luckily, I don't have to alter my exercise too much up until egg retrieval. Exercise right now is my biggest stress relieve. I am training for another half on Halloween. Usually, by this point I am so burned out on running but running has been such a safe haven for me that I haven't been able to give it up. Those last few weeks of In Vitro are going to be really hard emotionally. And that is when they take away my running.

Looking back over the last four years, Zac and I have both sacrificed and given up so much just for the chance to have a baby of our own. But it will all be worth it. every. last. second. will be worth it.

The Big One

BIG NEWS! Zac and I have decided to try IVF with ICSI. Big news, right?! I may or may not be freaking out just a little bit. I can't describe the whirlwind of emotions that I am feeling about this decision. I am excited, nervous, hopeful and scared all at the same time. I am ready to start and to see if this will finally give us the children we have longed for for so long. Our chances for success are quite high around 60% which is so much better than our current chances of like 1%. We are hoping to start our first cycle sometime between the end of October and beginning of November.

One of the homework assignments that I have to do before is watch training videos on how to give myself shots. Yikes! Just watching the video was frightening so this will be really interesting. Any friends out there that don't mind sticking me with a needle? Just kidding....but seriously.

Even though I feel good about this decision and I know that it is the right next step for us to take it is still really scary. I keep telling myself that thousands upon thousands of couples go through this each year so it shouldn't be such a big deal. But oh, it IS a big deal.

Seriously, I think the only way I am going to make it through this is because it is fall and I love fall. So if all else fails, I at least have pumpkin patches, leaves changing and caramel apple spice drinks from Starbucks to keep my mood up.

 I am still waiting for the IVF nurses to call me back so we can talk schedule. The more I learn about this process I become more and more amazed at how advanced modern medicine is! Everything about this whole procedure is all about timing.

We have started some of the pre-testing. Last week I had a sonohysterogram done and what they call a trial transfer. The sonohyterogram was to make sure there was no scar tissue or blockages and the trial transfer is pretty much the doctor Google mapping my uterus so, you know, really fun. I did not anticipate how incredibly painful it would be! Holy cow. It hurt so bad. The pain was so terrible that I lost my breakfast on the way home from the doctor's office. I have only had cramps that severe a few times in my life. It was terrible. On the bright side though, our doctor said that if he didn't know I had Endometriosis that he wouldn't have been able to tell. So YAY for minimal endo growth.

Going through this is going to take so much strength: physical, emotional and mental. I just have to remind myself that going through hard things just make you stronger and that I may really get my Christmas wish this year, a baby. :)

Yellowstone

I love exploring the world! And the United States has some of the most amazing natural beauties that the world has to offer. Last week, Zac and I took a mini vacation to Yellowstone. With us both in fairly new jobs and starting IVF soon, we didn't have a lot of time to take off. So we took a four day weekend. :) 

Zac's parents drove down from Spokane to join us and it was so much fun having them there! We rented a cabin in Island Park which is a little ways outside of West Yellowstone. It was absolutely perfect. 

Zac's and my work schedules are opposite. He works during the day and I work in the evenings and on Saturdays. Which makes it hard to spend time together. I have missed him so much! This little getaway is just what we needed. 

Yellowstone was everything that I hoped it to be. There was wildlife everywhere! We saw buffalo, elk, fox and deer. The mud pots, hot springs and geysers were incredible. I have never seen anything like them. 

I think my favorite part of the trip was swimming near the boiling river. There was an area where a hot spring flowed into a cold river, creating a natural hot tub. Because the two were mixing, depending on the currant, you would feel really hot water or really cold water. Quite the interesting sensation.