Writing out this post is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But it needs to written. I need to remember this time in my life as well as I need to express all the many emotions that are constantly running through my head.
The last month has been by far been the hardest month of my life. Nothing can quite describe the how scary and emotional it has been.
September 3rd was John's 2nd birthday! I had spent the weekend getting everything ready so John could have a great birthday. We had a little party that was school bus themed because John has been obsessed with school buses lately. I made him a school bus cake and we had some friends over for a little BBQ. We played with Hot Wheels tracks and presents from his grandparents. We decided to end the night by going to the park down the street to play before bedtime.
On the walk back from the park, I felt my first contraction. I wasn't too worried. I figured I had stretched myself too thin that day and just needed to drink some water and rest. Because that is what the nurse had told me to do at every single OB appointment. But shortly after getting home I experienced another and another and another. After having 4 painful contractions in 20 minutes I decided to call the on call doctor. But as I was calling I knew that I was in preterm labor and that we needed to get to hospital.
I was terrified but I still was thinking that once we got to the hospital that they would give me some meds, the contractions would stop and I would be home in a few hours. I think the nurse in labor and delivery was thinking the same thing because she didn't seem too concerned. We didn't have time to drop John off with anyone so along he came with us to the hospital. He was so cute and would copy my breathing with each contraction.
Finally, the nurse came in to check me to see if I was dilated. I knew something was wrong the minute she checked me. The expression on her face changed and so did her demeanor.
My bag of waters was bulging so much that she couldn't even find my cervix. She looked at me and calmly told me she was calling the doctor and that I was most likely going to be having a baby that night.
I broke down. This wasn't supposed to happen. I am only 28 weeks along. I am supposed to have 3 more months. My pregnancy was low risk and there had been no warning signs that I would go into preterm labor. This was not supposed to be happening.
The next couple of hours were surreal. I was wheeled immediately to a delivery room as nurses and doctors rushed around giving me different medications to help this little baby be ready to enter the world 12 weeks early. They were also giving me medications to try and get my contractions to stop which made me super sick. The contractions were so much more painful and close together than I remember with John. His labor started out so slow and mild. Little Evelyn's came fast and hard almost from the beginning. I was supposed to stay still because they didn't want to risk my water breaking.
They didn't dare give me an epidural yet because they were discussing what the best option would be. Should they life flight me before I deliver to another hospital or should I deliver there and then have the baby life flighted? Because Evelyn was so early she was still breech which means that I would be having an emergency c-section. I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe that this was really happening. Sometimes I still can't believe that this all really happened.
The on call Obgyn came in and was able to do an ultrasound. I was dilated to 3cm but my contractions were still coming hard and fast. All they could do was wait to see if my body responded to the medications.
I remember poor little John had such a concerned look on his little face. He had no idea what was happening but he knew it wasn't good. A kind nurse took him out of the room and let him watch videos on her phone. Sometime during the night, Zac called our neighbors who dropped everything to come get John and take him home. I vaguely remember getting a priesthood blessing from the same neighbor. I had so many worries running through my head. I remember thinking of all the things I had planned and that needed to get done. I remember thinking about John and how I needed to let my neighbors know what his bedtime routine was, where his favorite blankie was and what were his favorite snacks.
Zac handled it all so calmly. He called my parents and his parents. He called my sister and his sister so that they could come be there with me. With both of our parents living out of state, I was so so grateful to have my sister, Elise, and my sister in law, Emma, at the hospital that night.
After four hours of contractions, the OB decided to do another ultrasound to see if I had dilated more or if I had stayed the same. The second I rolled onto my back, my contractions kicked up even harder. In the ultrasound, it was easy to see I was completely dilated. The medications didn't work and there was no time to move me to another hospital. I was wheeled into the operation room and finally given a spinal (short term epidural basically). I was awake for the c-section but was in and out of consciousness. I remember the doctor giving instructions and stating everything that was happening. I remember him saying that Evelyn had been born but I wasn't conscious enough for it to really register.
In what seemed minutes, it was over, my baby girl had been born, I hadn't even gotten to see her or touch her yet. Her life was on the line. Evelyn Kate Vidmar entered the world at 11:51pm weighing 3lbs 1oz on September 3rd, 2018, exactly two years after her older brother.
Zac went with Evelyn as the life flight baby team and nurses/doctors worked to get her stabilized enough to fly. I was wheeled back to a recovery room where Emma was waiting for me.
I then learned that as all of this was happening, the birth mother, that my older sister, Elise had been in contact with just that weekend, had gone into labor herself. Elise's little adopted baby girl was born just 40 minutes after my little Evelyn Kate. I feel like these two sweet spirits were meant to come to earth at the same time.
The life flight team brought Evelyn by my room for a few minutes before they took her to another hospital. The feeling of watching your baby be taken away from you and you not knowing when you will get to see her again is heart wrenching.
While she was being delivered, there was a neonatologist from IMC (Intermountain Medical Center) on video chat with the doctors delivering her at Riverton instructing them what they needed to do. They got Evelyn safely to IMC and were able to get her stable and settled into her new home for the next 2 1/2 months.
That first week was a blur. I have never experienced such emotional highs and lows in my life. I was in shock afterwards. I was not prepared at all for what just happened. We didn't even have a crib for her yet. In fact, her room was currently the junk room and was piled high. I was so scared for Evelyn and her health. I was so mad at myself. Why couldn't my body do what it was supposed to do and protect my baby until she was fully developed? I was sad that I didn't get to experience the last couple months of pregnancy. I was worried about John and how he was going to handle all the changes and how I was going to care for him and sweet Evelyn. And honestly, a month later I still feel all of those feelings.
It has been a rough month. But we have a month behind us and that is what matters.
I have always been used to being the one that tries to offer service and help to those in need. I have never really been the one in need of help until now. It has been extremely humbling and inspiring to be on the receiving end of such thoughtful acts of love and service towards my little family. So many people have called, texted, messaged expressing their desire to help and that they are praying for us. Friends, neighbors, and family have brought us food, produce from their gardens, mowed our lawn, moved furniture, watched John, given us hospital food vouchers and so much more. I am so grateful! And those that haven't brought us something physically have offered kind words of encouragement and heartfelt prayers. I tell you what, if you ever say that thoughts and prayers do nothing, then you have never been the recipient of many thoughts and prayers. They are felt and they are felt strongly. There are days when I know I should be an emotional mess but I'm not. I feel peace and calmness and I know that it is coming as a direct result from the prayers of others on my behalf. I also learned that our stake had a special fast for Evelyn and a few other people in the stake. How can I ever adequately express my gratitude?
I feel strongly that one of the reasons that Evelyn came early is because she and her cousin, Isla, needed to come to earth together. I don't know what life has planned for these two sweet girls but there is something special there.
Evelyn is doing so well considering her age. She is gradually improving each day. Right now, she just needs to rest and grow. She finally reached 4lbs just in time for her one month birthday! With growth will come the other milestones of getting off of oxygen assistance, learning to eat by mouth, and maintaining body temperature. She is cocooned in an incubator that keeps her warm and protected. She has several different monitors and sensors attached to her constantly tracking her progress. I get to hold her each day and it is the best couple of hours of my day.
There are angels on earth and they are my mom and mother-in-law. Zac's mom was here for the first three weeks and then my mom is here for the next three weeks. They have stepped right in and have been taking wonderful care of John and myself. They have made me dinner, cleaned my house, and loved on John while I am away. It has been such a huge relief to have them here. What would I do without mothers?
The nurses and doctors at IMC have all been amazing. They have been so kind and understanding. Each day a team of 5 or so medical professionals meet to discuss her progress and goals. She truly has some of the best care that this world can provide.
We have a long road ahead of us. We should expect Evelyn to be in the NICU until her due date which was Thanksgiving Day, November 22nd. It seems so far away. But I try to just focus on the day at hand. One day at time, that is all I can do.
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| Evelyn Kate Vidmar |
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| In active labor, trying to make sense of everything |
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| Getting to touch Evelyn for the first time |
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| Seeing my baby girl before her first helicopter ride |
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| Elise getting the call from Isla's birth mom that she was in labor. |
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| Getting to hold her for the first time one week later |
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| Family of Four! |
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Daddy getting to hold Evelyn for the first time
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| One month old today! |
