Does the Road End Here?

Just when I thought I had somewhat of a plan, it turns out that I really don't. Two weeks ago everything changed. Zac and I started seeing a new reproductive endocrinologist a month ago. He re-ordered a lot of the blood work and tests that Zac and I had already done in the past. I wasn't worried. I thought that everything would come back normal just as it always had because I am the one with Endometriosis, I am the the reason we can't get pregnant. Or so I thought.
Zac's test results came back less than ideal. Sending both of us for a loop. How can it be that after almost four years of me thinking that I am the sole reason that we are possibly dealing with both male and female factor infertility?
Zac and I are awaiting more test results to see what our our options are. If the test results come back negative, we are left with only one option, IVF with ICSI. This option is a lot more invasive and expensive than regular IVF. It also comes with more risks. Risks I am not sure I am willing to take. Some research has shown that children born via IVF with ICSI are more likely to be born with birth defects. It feels like all the odds are stacked against us.
I am terrified. I have never been so scared about my future. This one test has the power to determine if we will ever be able to have our own biological children. And giving up that dream is almost more than I can handle right now. Four years of hoping. praying, fasting, medical appointments and doctors all to find out that the road ends here.
All I can do is to continue to hope, pray, fast and trust that Heavenly Father has a plan for Zac and I. Oh how I desperately wish and hope that that plan includes biological children. However, whatever happens, happens. It will be hard and so so challenging. But as long as I have Zac and God by my side I know I will be okay.

Red Pine Lake Back Packing Trip

Ever since I went back packing last year I have been dying to go again. I don't get very many Fridays and Saturdays together since I am usually working Saturdays so we took advantage of my free Saturday. We hiked up to Red Pine Lake in Little Cottonwood Canyon on Friday evening. It was so hard. It was a 2000 ft elevation gain in 3.5 miles. So pretty much straight up a mountain. But it was totally worth it. It was so beautiful. Also, Friday night was the blue moon. It was AMAZING! We stayed up to watch the moon rise and light up the lake and the mountains. Utah has really amazing hiking. I can't believe I never took advantage of it when I was at BYU. 

24th of July Celebration

There are few better times in the year than the 24th of July celebration in St. Johns. No matter how old I get, I will always love going home. Because we now live in Utah, Zac gets the 24th off because it is a state holiday! We decided to go down and see most of my family (we missed you Elise! But at least I get to see you a lot because you are so close.)

When I was little, whenever we had a really wet summer, a small pond would form just up the street from our house and would be filled with pollywogs (aka: tadpoles for all the non-St. Johnians). So of course we had to take Spencer pollywog hunting! I think his mom and aunts and uncles had just as much fun re-living our childhoods. :) 

Next on the list of fun activities was the campfire circle. This was the first time Zac had ever experienced the campfire circle. It wasn't even windy so we could actually eat our food without dirt in it. Marc set up horseshoes and Uncle Bob brought these pretty fun rocket launchers. 

The next morning, Dad, Kristin, Lindsey, Zac and I ran the 10k. Dad and Kristin are really fast, by the way. I almost beat Zac! I was sneaking up on him. Lindsey also ran her first 10K and rocked it! 

Right after the 10K was the Alumni Redskin Girls soccer game. This is always one of the major highlights. My high school soccer coach and the girls I played with were a major part of my life and influenced me for good. This was Coach Lussier's first alumni game officially retired. He will always be coach and I will always be grateful for the time he spent with me on the field teaching how to not only play soccer but to work hard and to always stay positive. 

I only had time for a quick shower then it was off to the parade! Here we are sitting in our usual spot in front of Mom's childhood home. It may be a small parade but it is always entertaining and Michelle always ends up with a ton of candy. 

I also fell in love while I was home... in love with my newest nephew, that is! He is absolutely adorable. He is such a smiley little guy and his scooting is the cutest thing ever!

Now for a few pictures of home.....