It happens every time I move somewhere new. It doesn't matter how well I try to prepare myself beforehand I still get so afraid. I am going to be completely honest. I hate change. I like things to stay the same. I like knowing exactly where the grocery store is. I like knowing exactly where I am going. I like already having friends. I hate the feeling of being lost, not knowing my surroundings, and not knowing where to buy Frozen yogurt. ;)
Don't get me wrong, I am glad Zac is going to graduate school. But sometimes I wish I could just take Zac and his school and myself all back home to Arizona, where things are familiar.
I don't mean to complain, but sometimes new places are scary. New places mean trying to find a job. I did get an unpaid internship which will hopefully turn into that dream corporate wellness job, but in the mean time I do need some source of income. I spend hours filling out online applications and sending out emails only to either get rejected or have them ignore me completely. I feel like no one wants me, at least not enough to pay me. I have applied to everything I can think of, with the exception of McDonalds (which I think I am going to apply there when I am finished with this post).
I guess what I am trying to say is that new places bring out every insecurity I have ever had. I get anxiety every time I have to drive somewhere by myself. What if I get lost, what if I am late? I feel like a fish out of water. I don't know what is worse, the actual feeling of being scared and nervous or the fact that the only way those feelings go away is with time.
I didn't mean for this post to turn into a Katelyn complaining session. Zac and I's live is really blessed. It is easy to forget the blessing and the good things and just focus on the negative. In a few short months these fears and insecurities will only be memories......
I'm sorry you're having a rough time! I haven't had a big move like that in 6 years so I don't really remember how it was. I'm sure San Diego is much bigger and scarier than Portland though. Good luck with the job search. You'll be in my prayers and I'll call you soon!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
You aren't alone! We've lived in Illinois for almost 2 months and I'm doing an unpaid job too right now. Looking for jobs is depressing and sucks your worth right out of you. It'll pass and you'll learn your way around, make friends and eventually this will feel like home :) good luck and seriously remember you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteI think women are nesters and it is so unsettling to be between nests. I think you will feel so much better once you move into your apartment. We are so proud of you and Zac and how well you manage and save money. Just take a break from looking for another job until after you move in, unpack and get some time in with internship.It is so much all at once. We all love you!
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