Kate's Space: 18 Weeks

It has been quite a while since I have blogged! Life has been a little crazy around here. Zac has been busy with work and studying for his professional engineering license and I have also gotten more responsibility at work. However, there are so many things happening with this pregnancy that I want to make sure I document them to remember later. So in full disclosure and warning, this post will be all about my pregnancy so far. I understand if you don't read it. I probably wouldn't have read it either before.

I will be 18 weeks tomorrow! Everyday I wake up and have to remind myself that this is real. That this is really happening. I have actually really enjoyed being pregnant thus far. It might sound weird, but I think I have pinpointed it to the fact that it is the first time that I have had an actual break from Endometriosis and man does it feel good not to have to deal with that. I haven't had any crazy cravings yet, I just really really love carbs right now. Mashed potatoes and breakfast foods especially. I probably have pancakes for dinner once a week. haha. I also can't stand the thought or smell of most meat so I have become a partial vegetarian.

I am pretty sure that I felt our little guy move for the first time! I get emotional just thinking about it. We also found out last week that we are having a little boy! I can't believe it, but oh so excited. Zac is so happy and can't wait to have a little buddy to watch and play sports with. When we went in for our ultrasound, they recorded the entire thing. I have watched it several times. Life is so amazing! As I watched the ultrasound video and watched as my little baby stretched out in my stomach I was filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Who am I, that I deserve such an experience? I am very aware of the possibility that this could be the only chance I get to experience pregnancy so I am trying my best pay attention to all of the little things that are happening. All I know is that this little baby boy makes me want to be the best mom and person that I can be because that is exactly what he deserves.

I am starting to show. :) Which is also pretty exciting! I am really glad that at my job I get to wear exercise clothes most of the time which are a lot more comfortable and more flexible than jeans or other pants. However, my shirts are becoming a lot more snug. It may sound weird, but buying maternity clothes is one of those things that I always wished I could do and now that time is here.

It is a strange but great feeling to be able to walk by the maternity or baby section in Target and not have a feeling of loss or hopelessness. I didn't realize how much that feeling was there until it was gone. I hope that I can remember this feeling forever.

As I was writing this post I read over several of my past posts about infertility. And reading them, the feelings that were behind each one are still so raw and real. It was hard. It was so hard. However, as I thought about the past four years, now that I am here, the scripture comes to mind about how our trials may be but a small moment. While I was in the moment, it felt like it would never end, that there was no end in sight. And here I am at that point where I have the opportunity to look back and evaluate what I learned. Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons and I am sure I have many more to learn.

Now it is time for a little timeline of photos!