The day before our 6th wedding anniversary, Zac and I got some pretty devastating news. The test was completely unsuccessful. We are left with two options, IVF with ICSI or giving up the dream of having our own children. It is safe to say, that we both need time to think about what we are going to do next.
We met with our doctor a little over a week ago and discussed in detail what IVF would include. It is a lot. But strangely, I feel at peace about the whole thing. I know that if we decide to do this that I will have the strength to do it.
Last night as I was talking to Zac about all of these thoughts and feels I realized that processing all of this is easier now than it would have been a few years ago. I am not saying that infertility is all of a sudden easy, because it definitely isn't. But I somehow feel stronger. I don't know if it is just because I am numb after four years or if I am literally stronger. We will go with stronger. :)
Zac and I have been extremely blessed in all of this. We have been led to amazing doctors and we have both been able to find good jobs. So whatever we decide finances won't be a problem.
Elise and I have been making more of an effort to go to the temple more often and every time I go I am reminded that life is eternal. I cannot express enough the love I have for my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Knowing that they know me as "Katelyn", that they love me and care about me is so comforting.
Dealing with infertility,it is so easy to feel like I am broken, defective and forgotten. It is a constant battle to fight those thoughts out of my mind and to remind myself that I am unique and important. Even though I may or may not ever be able to have biological children that it doesn't make me less of a person and that I can still be a good person and do so much good for those around me. And I know that the strength to be that kind of person and to overcome the negative thoughts come from my God.
I am sure once we make a decision, I will write a more lengthy post about what will be doing and I will probably use this space more to talk about what we are going through. I don't want to forget anything that I have gone through or will go through. Blogging is a way for me to remember that.
We met with our doctor a little over a week ago and discussed in detail what IVF would include. It is a lot. But strangely, I feel at peace about the whole thing. I know that if we decide to do this that I will have the strength to do it.
Last night as I was talking to Zac about all of these thoughts and feels I realized that processing all of this is easier now than it would have been a few years ago. I am not saying that infertility is all of a sudden easy, because it definitely isn't. But I somehow feel stronger. I don't know if it is just because I am numb after four years or if I am literally stronger. We will go with stronger. :)
Zac and I have been extremely blessed in all of this. We have been led to amazing doctors and we have both been able to find good jobs. So whatever we decide finances won't be a problem.
Elise and I have been making more of an effort to go to the temple more often and every time I go I am reminded that life is eternal. I cannot express enough the love I have for my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Knowing that they know me as "Katelyn", that they love me and care about me is so comforting.
Dealing with infertility,it is so easy to feel like I am broken, defective and forgotten. It is a constant battle to fight those thoughts out of my mind and to remind myself that I am unique and important. Even though I may or may not ever be able to have biological children that it doesn't make me less of a person and that I can still be a good person and do so much good for those around me. And I know that the strength to be that kind of person and to overcome the negative thoughts come from my God.
I am sure once we make a decision, I will write a more lengthy post about what will be doing and I will probably use this space more to talk about what we are going through. I don't want to forget anything that I have gone through or will go through. Blogging is a way for me to remember that.
I use blogging as therapy and a way to sift my thoughts too. It's good for you! I'm sure you ARE stronger after what you've been through. That's what hard things do, they help you grow your faith. I have every confidence that you and Zac will make the right decision for YOUR family. Especially as you attend the temple and stay close to the Spirit. We're praying for you!
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